he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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