we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
