I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
