Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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