During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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