he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
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"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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