We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
