I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
