god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize