Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
