Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
