..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
