I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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