I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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