evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
