Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
