Are we in a gay sports bar?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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