What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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