dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
