shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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