Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
