So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize