You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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