So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize