remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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