so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
