i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
