There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
