Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
