I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I skipped work to stalk him.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
