I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
