I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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