Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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