It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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