why didn't you poke me back
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
