Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
