your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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