I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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