I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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