What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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