i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
