a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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