I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
