Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I pour the whiskey from now on
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
