do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
