I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
