Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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