i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
