It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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