I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
