I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
