there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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