I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
