I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
