the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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