how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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