Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
