you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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