I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
