Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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