Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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