bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
