When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
